Bride of Christ Ministry World Wide: CONFLICT In DEFINITION
I AM NOT THE ATTRACTION LIKE JESUS CHRIST WAS NOT THE ATTRACTION IN HIS DAY. MY MESSAGE IS NOT A PLEASANT ONE THAT CAN ATTRACT THE WORLD. I ONLY CAME FOR MY OWN- MY PEOPLE. BELIEVE IT IF YOU CAN…

Translate and read the Messages in this Site, click below: ترجمة وقراءة الرسائل في هذا الموقع

CONFLICT In DEFINITION


Preached on 2ND December, 2006 At THE HOUSEHOLD OF GOD ONITSHA By APOSTLE PETER ODOEMENA  THE SON OF MAN “THE SUPREME  INTELLIGENCE” Truth has no substitute”  © BRIDE OF CHRIST MINISTRY WORLD-WIDE

Revelation 21:6. “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
KJV.

PRAYER
We give you all the glory, all the honour, praise, adoration and dominion forever and ever because you are worthy to deserve all of them.
2.         Thou that created the heavens and the earth and the fullness thereof, Lord beside you there is no other god, in heaven and on
earth and beneath the earth there is no other and there will never be any other god.
3.         You are more than sufficient for us. Father we are a privileged people to be called your children in this last day.
4.         Father we give you all the whole glory, honour due to you for we do not merit what we are enjoying today evil men like us, wicked as we are, it pleased you O Lord to stoop down low and picked us in our very low estate, cleansed us by the washing and regeneration, made us holy in your own sight, presenting us before yourself as perfect individuals, Lord this grace is amazing. We say receive all the praise through Christ our Lord.
5.         We have come today O Lord to worship you, to show appreciation for your goodness and mercy to us.
6.         To ask of you for strength to continue in the race, for grace Lord that will see us through for the world we are living in is full of evil and we can do nothing beside you for we are wholly dependent on you.
7.         Lord as we put our trust and confidence in you, may we never be disappointed one bit, may we never regret O Lord our membership of your most Holy family Lord we pray that you cover us with thy wing, with thy mighty and outstretched hands O Lord rescue us from this sinful world.
8.         May we remain unspotted O God from the world, cover us with thy glory and let thy presence be our everlasting portion. Lord we are depending on you and on you alone, renew our strength, revive our mortal souls, touch us O God with the touch of love, a healing touch from you this morning. Father set us free from all our sicknesses and weaknesses. 
9.         Lord, we are praying that nobody that will be here today and in every other place where your name is being worshiped O God will go home the same that every one of us young and old will surely receive the touch of love.
10.     Those that couldn’t come for one reason or the other wherever they may be either in the hospitals or their homes or they are travelling even right now wherever they may be O God of glory please visit them there touch them with the same touch of love.
11.     Close your eyes and wipe away every iniquity, lay no charge against all your elects now till eternity O God, remember we have no righteousness that can be called our own which we can achieve by our efforts, we are depending on your righteousness hence we believe that God is our righteousness and will remain our righteousness, you are our holiness, you are our salvation, our redemption, our sanctification, even our perfection, we are completely dependent on you.
12.     Father, may we never live a life that cause shame and reproach to your Holiness, may we live a life that will always cause your name to be exalted and reverenced. Father we really thank you this day, fill us with thy Holy Spirit, move mysteriously here O God and in every other local assembly that is called by Your Name.
13.     In any way the enemy will try to rise up in our heart to distract our attention, in any way the enemy will try to oppose even by using human being as agents Lord I pray that you arrest all of them bind them and destroy all their powers through Christ our Lord.
14.     Frustrate all their efforts to destabilize your Bride, render them ineffective let your children rejoice abundantly, bless them O God in your own special way.
15.     Father, let the whole world see and believe that Christ has been born on earth walking in human form.
16.     Thank you Lord because you have answered our prayer, blessed be Your Name forever.
17.     Pass through somebody this morning and bless your children. Through Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.




1
THE TRUE AND SPIRITUAL WORSHIP (1)
Remain blessed brethren. Today is another day, a day the Lord has made for us. We are really very grateful having a wonderful place like this; where we can come together, after all the toils of the day, after all the hustles and tussles of life; where we will come and lay all our burdens down.
2.          When sicknesses pervade us, the Lord comes and makes a place for us where we will receive His healing-touch, collectively, because I believe in what we call collective anointing which you cannot receive as an individual at home, which is the joy of fellowship.
3.          When you come to fellowship, rejoicing with the saints of God, the Great Family of God, heaven is let loose, the joy over flows, everybody feels on top of the world, why? There is a complete anointing in the Bride which we cannot receive as individuals in our homes.
4.          That is why once the joy of fellowship has vanished from your heart, your life is in danger. No matter the troubles I passed through within the week, I always pray that there should be a day of fellowship so that I can enjoy the great and supernatural fellowship.
5.          Remember we have not lost the sight of where we are coming from, even in the scriptures in Saint Paul’s day, he recognized the Church as God’s Mount Zion, The City Of The Most Holy And High God where God’s presence abides, where you come with innumerable Angels with special aerial, all singing glory to the Lord. Is it not wonderful?
6.          If you really want to worship the Lord today with me, show by raising your hands? You want to worship together with me, I don’t want beating of the pulpit here today.
7.          Let’s worship the Lord for He is worthy to be worshiped, He is worthy to be praised; He is worthy to receive all honour, all adoration. Amen.
8.           But you are not opening your mouth, I wonder what is wrong with you. If I am visiting old-old numbers you know and you find it difficult to open your mouth, what if I begin to sing new-new numbers, you will be completely lost!
9.           A true child of God that doesn’t know how to worship the Lord is a complete counterfeit! Nobody teaches a sheep how to bow down to suck its mother’s breast. Worship is nature.
10.      If you find it difficult to worship the Lord, if somebody is compelling you to worship the Lord; if somebody reminds you that today is a fellowship day, if somebody reminds you of the need to be in the gathering of the saints on time, you are a complete make-up. You are pleasing human beings and not God, that’s why you are coming: you don’t want us to talk about you, you don’t want us to begin to think that you have backslidden.
11.      No! A true seed of God doesn’t backslide, if he should backslide, what will he backslide into, will he backslide into Devil? I don’t know, he doesn’t have the attributes of the Devil, so what is he backsliding into? It is something I do not know.
12.      However, I believe the facts of life that I cannot teach a sheep how to bend down. If you are a sheep, it is your attribute. Blessed be the Name of the Lord. Selah.
13.      If you displease God this moment, the repercussion might be great. The consequences might be great, hence you better conduct yourself. If you know you are not in the spirit of worship, it is not compulsory, take your bag, gently go back, that settles the matter.
14.      But if you know you are here just to worship the Lord, off your mind from any other thing.
15.      What is more, I don’t want anybody no matter how you know the song to punctuate my song, I want to land before you can join, that is why you don’t know the tone I may use, you are all traditionalists; once you know one thing, you find it difficult to change to another.
16.      Even Brother Charles, don’t join me, everybody, allow me to land so that you know exactly the tone I am using. Hallelujah. Amen.
17.      Don’t clap hands until I ask you to clap hands. And if I want you to clap hands, I will tell you the way I want it, you don’t clap the way you want, you clap the way I want.
18.      I don’t want to hear any discordant tone. If I sing the number you don’t know, simply be quiet, continue to nod if you have the Spirit of God. Before I sing it three times, you will master it.
19.      There should be orderliness. If you are being led to come to God’s presence and lead us in praises you can come out, tell the pastor to make a way for you. We believe it is a gift; we will reap it, provided it is for the building of the Body of Christ. That’s all. Amen.
20.      Now before the children will go to their class. Pastors, the whole elders listen to me; worship is a spiritual affair, it is not a carnal affair. Underline this factor in your heart.
21.      Do you know that you have no right to worship God unless your heart is right with God? Do you know that? If your heart is not right with God, your worship is in vain, you are wasting your time.
22.      That is why even the Psalmist said; “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will never hear me.”
23.      This is one of the reasons why people don’t know how to worship the Lord. They don’t search their hearts before coming to the Presence of the Lord. They do not examine their consciences.
24.      They just bundle themselves to the Presence of the Lord, hoping to repent here when they begin to hear the word of God but you repent at home, come to Fellowship to praise God for giving you the grace to repent.
25.      When we come to Fellowship, to the Presence of the Lord, we are sitting down in His Presence as Angels, what will destroy us is not what we are hearing here, is what we are doing when we leave here, that is what will destroy us.
26.      What normally put us under condemnation is not the word of God we are hearing but the word of God we are destroying; we are disobeying when we leave His presence. Once we are sitting down in the Fellowship, everybody is obeying, you can’t say “this man is an unbeliever”. No.
27.      An unbeliever is always outside. Hence, when we come to Fellowship and say “Let us praise the Lord,” if your heart is not right with God, don’t attempt it.
28.       Of course, you know you will not succeed no matter how you try to join, you will not succeed, the guilt is there, you are being tied down by the guilt, you know you are wrong, that you shouldn’t do that. The same way God can never accept your sacrifice.
29.      We offer to the Lord the sacrifices of praise. In other words, praise is sacrifice. Once there is iniquity in your heart, the Lord can never accept your sacrifice, rather your sacrifice will remain an abomination unto the Lord, for the sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination unto the Lord.
30.      Thus, be very careful, you examine yourself before coming to the Lord.
31.      Today is the day the Lord has made, so Pastors and Elders take note. When we come to Fellowship at the first day of the week to worship the Lord, to praise the Lord—I have spoken on this matter before—common sense is there, be spiritual enough before coming, pray through.
32.      There is no message that said we shouldn’t pray. Any message? No. Kneel down and pray, don’t just wake up and begin to come down to Fellowship, and when you come into the Fellowship, you think you will pray? You cannot! Pray before coming to Fellowship.
33.      Be in the right spirit, be in the right mind, be in the spirit of fellowship, the joy alone will carry you through. Once you step into The Fellowship of the saints, there is always an overflowing joy in your heart which will compel you to praise the Lord because your heart was made right before you started coming.
34.      But if you just wake up from your bed, jumped into the kitchen and parlour, put on your dress and begin to come to Fellowship, you are deceiving yourself.
35.      Before you can find your feet in the Fellowship, it will be up to one hour because your fellowship didn’t start from your bed, the joy didn’t start from your home, you are in the Fellowship to work out a joy, you want to work it out, but you can’t. You will remain cheated in the Fellowship of the Saints.
36.      Sometimes, people don’t know what is happening. Once we come to Fellowship in the morning to open the fellowship, common sense is there that there should be spiritual worship. Worship is different from chorus. Worship song is different from chorus.
37.      Hence, this idea of coming to Fellowship every Sunday, bro Shed will mount  the pulpit, begin to clap hands and beat the pulpit, that should stop. Let us enjoy that spiritual worship where everybody will be lifted spiritually first, the heart is prepared for the entrance of the word, then at the end of it all, to prove that we have benefited for today, we begin our feast of jubilation by songs and praises in the form of choruses.
38.      We can dance, we can eat, we can rejoice, we can drink. Even in the wedding hall, nobody enters the wedding hall and starts drinking. There is always a very sober moment before every other thing.
39.      Let us have that sober moment, that spiritual moment where everybody will feel the impact of the Spirit of God through spiritual songs. Not everything is spiritual song. You know that. Not everything is spiritual song.
40.      You won’t know what is spiritual and what is not spiritual until you are spiritual. If you are spiritual, you don’t need anybody to direct you on this matter. I shouldn’t speak again on this matter; after all I have taught you. Amen.



2
THE TRUE AND SPIRITUAL WORSHIP (2)
Please bear it in mind, if I mean spiritual songs, I don’t even mean carrying that so-called song book. I have counseled you on song book; there is no single song book that God wrote. These were songs that were composed by human beings.
2.          Songs that were commercially composed, some were spiritually composed and those ones I say were spiritually composed were composed based on the spiritual level of the composer, their level of understanding and perception about God. There is one somebody just spiritually composed and it is Trinity: Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God Almighty and so on, he will end it blessed Trinity.
3.          You see where he ended it. He sees God as three persons in one God which is the greatest idolatry; for God is one and His Name is one.
4.          Thus, you have to be very careful, otherwise one day we will be hearing a repeat of that thing in our midst. Remember these were those things we fished out of the song books, whether you call it ancient and modern, sacred songs and solos, Baptist hymn, whatever you may call it, they were composed by human beings, religious people.
5.          Let me say they were composed by the clergy according to their belief. Every song book reflects a “central belief” or a “denominational belief.” If you get Catholic song book, you will see Mary, Mother millionaire, Mary Mary….they are right. You will see Saint Gabriel, Angel Fatima. Yes that is what they believe.
6.          You get the Anglican one, you are in for a melody, you can sleep with canticles. British type, I mean real British canticles.
7.          You get that of Baptist, well you are in for American show; I mean Southern Baptist Missionary America and that is where William Branham came from. I hope you know that.
8.          You know I was a Baptist, so take note of that. You can’t cheat me there. All I am trying to say is that am yet to see a spiritual song unless the one we are being led to build up, sometimes, with the help of the scriptures.
9.          If you notice that most of these songs that are causing confusions, they don’t have even scriptural undertone. I have wondered why Nigeria excels in everything. In everything Nigeria will try to be on top. There is no country in the world, not only Nigeria, I mean the Igbo race, there is no tribe in the whole world that has used Jesus and God to compose songs more than the Igbos.
10.      Moreover, you will that not even one is spiritually oriented. They are all commercially oriented because by nature, an average Igbo man is a commercialist. He will try to commercialize even his own life.
11.      Anything money is not attached to, an Igbo man will not be there. That is why an Igbo man can never serve God because one that is commercial in nature can never be patriotic.
12.      If you love money, you can never be patriotic. In short if you love money, an average Igbo man is Devil in human form. Thus, don’t look for a Devil from somewhere, look for him he is in the Igboland.
13.      I don’t owe any apology there, yet in the same land where bad things are coming out, that is where a good thing must spring up. After all, Igbo is likened to Bethlehem; can anything good come out of Bethlehem?
14.      Bethlehem was a commercial city in the land of Israel and it was a place where bribery, corruption, murder, robbery, every kind of evil thrived. That was why Nathaniel queried: “Can anything good come out of Bethlehem?”
15.      Watch the whole Igbo preachers, they are commercial preachers! Watch all the Churches in Igboland, commercial Churches. You have to be very careful.
16.      Please, I owe you no apology, better understand what I am saying. Most of the songs people are using to build faith do not contain truth, that is why from time to time they drag themselves to court over piracy.
17.      There was a woman that was lamenting and asking whether the gift of God’s grace has finished. She said, “Why is it that immediately I finished releasing my songs, another person will sing pirated version of the same song and be using it to make money?”
18.      She lamented and said that the person should ask God for the gift of song to sing his or her own. Before you know it they will end it in court. Why? Because they are spoiling her business.
19.      And if you watch what they are singing, they are singing something that will suit their hearers. They have a target. They must sing something which every Igbo man will like to embrace. And somebody holding it will be behaving as if he is holding the word of God.
20.      There was one Bro. Vin sent to me, they call it nkwa praise, and really it is nkwa praise. I slotted it in, for over thirty minutes, I couldn’t understand the reason why Bro Vin sent it to me. I couldn’t see the nkwa neither could I see the praise.
21.      Maybe you are not watching what is happening. Some are mere folktales. Wait let me tell you a story. There is something you do not know.
22.      I am from the land of music. When you talk of music, you talk of Mbaise people. So, I am from the land of music.
23.      There is one song in my community that is called abi-igbo. They sing it by telling stories of what happened, that is what they are singing with the name of Jesus.
24.      Somebody will be telling you how he was coming back from Enugu and was halted on the road. “Eh! Stop, bring the thing, bring the money!” Are you telling us the story of Ojemba? And people like it.
25.      Watch, if anybody sings ebube eligweEbube eligwe will be the order of the day. They sing Jebez—Jebez Jebez Jebez everywhere.  And people will think they are holding spiritual numbers, they don’t know they don’t have spiritual undertones.
26.      But if you look into the lives of people that worship God, ancient men that really worshiped God, you begin to see the way they praised the Lord, from there you can be lifted.
27.      Do you know that “Who is like unto thee?” was credited to Moses? It was credited to Moses when they crossed the Red Sea.
28.      You see, people of old composed their songs based on the way the Lord touched them. But today, we simply look at the society, it is God, go after those that are after me, kill those that are after me.”
29.      There are some co-wives who used to fight when they are having problems. One will purchase that type of song in the market, slot it and be shouting “Amen lord, continue saying it loud! Amen lord! Back to sender, back to sender, back to sender.” And people think these things are songs, they are not spiritual songs.
30.      What am I saying? If you are spiritual, you are a composer of spiritual songs. There are some you will compose even within yourself, sing it within yourself, it has never been heard anywhere, you may not even reproduce it, you keep it to yourself. Many worship the Lord that way but collectively, when we gather, let us select those popular spiritual numbers that have spiritual impact that can lift us up, lift everybody up, pull you up.
31.      Those numbers that praise the Almighty God, those numbers that lift up the Power of God, the Mercies of God, the Love of God. Those numbers that are edifying, numbers that can comfort us in the time of sorrow, these are things that you should consider, not every day you come here on Sunday without prayers, without being in the right mind, you want me to begin to clap my hands, and then begin to dance immediately. No!
32.      It will be hard for me to fit in and it doesn’t create spiritual environment. So, pastors take note there.
33.      Another area I want to pinpoint is this, remember whether you are praising God or you are worshiping God, they are all the same. It must have spiritual undertone, you must coordinate yourself very well, harmonize yourself with your songs so that when you are leading in praises, if it is straightforward praise, don’t via off anyhow.
34.      Not when we are already in our top mood, all of a sudden you bring in something else that is off track, you push everybody off and we will not know how to fit in there: those clapping their hands would be disorganized.
35.      Pastor Dan, take note there. You don’t sing because you love that song, you sing because it is fitting. There are too many songs I love which may not be fitting to what I am operating in that time. I think it is clear, it doesn’t require much explanation.
36.      These are my few observations concerning the way we praise God. But the worst I have noticed is the idea of people not knowing how to clap their hands. They don’t know how to open their mouths, but these are the parrots we have.
37.      In their secret places they are more than parrots but in the presence of the Lord, to open their mouths and praise God, very difficult, even to clap their hands.
38.      I watched some people, they don’t care whether their clapping of hands is being heard or not. Maybe you have not observed it, you are mocking yourself.
39.      It is written in the scripture thus I quote in Galatians 6:7 “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”
40.      Maybe you don’t know that we know more than the ancient men concerning this matter. If we limit our knowledge of God and our knowledge of where we are to the point where they stopped, of all men we shall be the most miserable.
41.      Let me show you how they saw the place where we are, in their own day. But we have a higher revelation than them that we are here face to face with God, no longer a feeling, NO LONGER A THOUGHT BUT A FACT. Look at how they saw it that time.  
42.       Hebrews 12:22 “But ye are come unto mount Zion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
43.      23 To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect.” KJV.
44.      You can reflect your past experiences. Do you now want me to begin to lay this Bible foundation again? Do I begin to lay this foundation again? And this is where somebody will come and say “let’s clap our hands”?
45.      Some don’t even know the need for them to even open their mouth, lift up their hands and praise the Lord. These are talkative in their yards, while some are experts in walking up and down. While praises are going on, that is the time they will be walking up and down, some of them might be mothers, some might be fathers.
46.      It’s a wicked behaviour, in short, it is a criminal act! A very big insult on the Personality of the Almighty God. Can you even treat your husband that way? Can you treat your elder brother that way? It shows lack of respect.
47.      If you don’t respect God who else will you respect?
48.      The Psalmist said something: Fear the living God, fear the God that lives in heaven.
49.      But you have seen the place that is called heaven where God lives – the city of the Living God, where you come face to face with God and that’s where you come and misbehave.
50.      Even while I am talking, some are still guilty of walking about, I wonder whether they are really understanding what am saying, whether it’s even affecting them at all.
51.      Where is this foolish man Johnson? I saw him in the Fellowship this morning, I saw him, even the wife, I saw her somewhere there, they have vanished together. It’s a pity, shameless people!
52.      If my name should be called in the general assembly, let it be for good and not for evil. You don’t know that most of these things that are being heaped on you, if they are not detached from you, you will carry them to the world beyond to your condemnation.
53.      You call it a light thing, on that day you will see how great it is.
54.       Remain blessed everybody, my desire is that we worship God aright, believe that God has revealed Himself to us; so we are no longer worshiping Him after the feelings and imaginations of our hearts but we are worshiping Him according to His revealed way which He has made known to us through the Vessel He has chosen to dwell in, from there He is reaching us; so we have no excuse.
55.      Others might be doing try-your-luck in their worship but we are sure of what we are doing, for this salvation that is being noised abroad belongs to us.
56.      I say this salvation which people are noising about, for the sake of salvation they observe night vigils, they go without food for forty days and forty nights, they go in tattered dresses, they humiliate themselves through the rigors of the flesh, this salvation belongs to us and we are permitted to give it to anybody we want.
57.      It’s hard to believe yet it is real for others worship something they know not but we worship something we know.
58.      Jesus the Christ made a statement to the Samaritan woman, did he make it in the spirit? No. Jesus was a young man walking in human form, hundred percent human being and was having that interaction with that woman “Don’t point me to the mountains. Your fathers worshiped there amiss, for they worshiped something they knew not; but we worship something we know for salvation is of the Jews.” finish.
59.      That was in his day to the people he was sent to. You know people don’t know that Jesus was sent to the Jews. People don’t know about that; any way, let me hold that one, it’s not my teaching now.  Amen.





3
THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN
IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MOTHERS
Little children, go to your classes. Ministers’ wives, take note, starting from my own wife, any moment from now, I am going to withdraw Pastor Thomas from the children’s class. Yes, any moment from now am going to withdraw him and other brothers.
2.          The teaching of the children is the responsibility of the mothers, if you believe it say amen. And I don’t need to go too far to begin.
3.          Pastor Thomas, put them in order, I won’t give them a permanent teacher, I will be changing their teachers every week and I will start today.
4.          I said any moment from now, and now is today; it has started now. My choice for today is Sister Vin Obidimma.
5.          You are deployed to the children’s class, so Pastor Thomas, surrender the teaching materials to Sister Vin Obidinma.
6.          Sister Vin, you remain with them until the day I will give them another sister. Maybe you will handle them for one month after that I will withdraw you and deploy another mother.
7.          The training of our children is the responsibility of our mothers. You want to challenge me, challenge me. Use the Bible if you can, I will be at home to satisfy your curiosity.
8.          Timothy was nurtured by his grand-mother and his mother also, it’s applicable to Titus, and the responsibility of mothers to train children for nobody can understand the children more than the mothers, do you believe that? Yes. Amen.



4
CONFLICT IN DEFINITION
Now the rest give me your attention. Today is a wonderful day. I really want to handle Sunday school, it has been bubbling in me to have a fair share of the Sunday-school. If you are happy having me here as your Sunday school Teacher for today, I am equally happy having you as one of my students for today.
2.           I am not going to introduce a new topic; I want to talk to you randomly and at the end of it all, whatever you want to call the teaching, you call it.
3.          I wouldn’t want us to waste our tapes because I don’t think there is anything am going to say that is not within the concept of the message we have received for the hour.
4.          I want us to understand what God is doing in our midst. Follow me as we go to Bridge to Peace volume 2.
5.          If you don’t have a copy show by raising your hands. Do you mean you forgot your own at home or you don’t have at all? If you know you forgot it at home, hands down.
6.          But if you don’t have at all, let me see your hands. I hope you understand what I am saying? You don’t have a copy at all; you have no problem, you will get one with time. If you forgot your own at home, it’s a different thing altogether, you shouldn’t do that next time because when we come to Fellowship you don’t know how the Spirit is going to move.
7.          I hope you are not amazed at the extent I have gone back? Where you were waiting for me this morning is not where I am taking off from, more especially when some people heard that the Lord’s willing I maybe handling the Born-Again Concept, they went home and read it over and over.
8.           You know, when I want to handle a teaching, I make sure nobody sleeps and the best way I will do it today is by asking you questions as I continue. That’s what makes for a good teacher. Few minutes I will halt and begin to ask questions because if I don’t ask you questions, I will not know your weak points.
9.          Besides, the way I am going to read may not be the way you want me to read, but in all I am reading. I want to go straightaway to something: When the Sparks Fly In Your Marital Relationship.”
10.      No husband or wife of sound mind enjoys marital conflict no matter how little that may seem, but it is all too common in almost all families.
11.      What is conflict? Sister Dan, stand up there. What is conflict? Attempt it. No, I don’t mean in relationship to family life. We want to understand the meaning of conflict in general terms before we begin to allot it to where it will affect us today. What is conflict? Attempt it.
12.      Sister Dan answered: “conflict means disagreement between individuals”.
13.      Thank you. Remember, that’s her own idea. Give it to Sister Nzubechi Odoemena. What is conflict in your own understanding?
14.      Sister Nzubechi answered: “Conflict can mean misunderstanding between two people”
15.      Thank you. Try Sister Onyema.
16.      Sister Onyema answered: “Conflict can be defined as a disagreement which can be either sharp or mild between people either two individuals or either a family, a town or a nation.”
17.      Ok try Bishop Ebenezer. What is conflict?
18.      Bishop Ebenezer answered: “By conflict, we mean extreme or sharp misunderstanding between individuals, it could be villages, it could be interest in a particular area.”
19.      Ok thank you, try our brother, Doctor Ojiakor.
20.      Brother Ojiakor answered: “Conflict can mean disagreement in values between individuals or values of individuals, or groups or towns or villages or nations.”
21.      Ok try Igwe Amobi.
22.       Igwe Amobi answered: “Conflict is disagreement between individuals, towns or families.”
23.      Thank you. Please, we may not have another class after today, I mean after this Sunday school. You know teaching is not preaching. If it is preaching, within ten minutes I can come down. But once it is teaching, until I drive my point home I don’t feel free.
24.      Generally, from the opinion so far sampled, at least I sampled six different opinions; three men, three women, there is one thing common in their views about conflict and that one thing that is common is “disagreement”.
25.      Disagreement is common in all their definitions. Now, look at what conflict is all about: Conflict is a calculated attempt by one to oppose or frustrate another from achieving his or her set goals.
26.      Note it, a calculated attempt; it is not something somebody just wakes up one morning and begins to do. A calculated attempt, honestly carried out with intent to stop, frustrate his opponent from achieving his set objectives.
27.      For example, here is Brother Joe; Brother Joe may not know that I am in conflict with him, disagreement can be registered.
28.      Once conflict is registered it becomes disagreement, but an unregistered disagreement is conflict because conflict is within, disagreement is without. Are you catching me?
29.      Remember I am your Teacher this morning. I am taking my time because I don’t know the extent this message will go, and if I misinform you, I have misinformed the whole world.
30.      Disagreement is without, conflict is within. I may be in conflict with Brother Joe with Brother Joe not knowing. I will now begin to understudy Brother Joe, understudy his limits, understudy his ways, every other thing.
31.      I may be showing interest in that which he is doing, I may be supporting him so that Brother Joe will not notice that I am having conflict. I don’t mean to support but I want to understudy him.
32.      I am not happy with him but I don’t want him to know that I am not happy with him. I am in conflict with him but he doesn’t know. Having known his limitations, having studied his mode of operation, I now devised a way I will stop him from achieving it.
33.      In everyday life, it begins with a secret campaign; that’s what we call campaign of calumny, to win a clandestine support; you have to solicit for a secret support, and in conflict you don’t allow the person you came to, to know that you are in conflict with Brother Joe.
34.       I will first of all leather Brother Joe, I will praise Brother Joe to know your opinion about Brother Joe. If your opinion is praise for Brother Joe, I will hold my peace, I won’t go further. I will know that you are in Brother Joe’s party.
35.      If I throw in two questions that can put you on the negative side and you retained your positive position, I will know that you are in Brother Joe’s camp, so you are not a good material for me to use.
36.      This is the dangerous effect of conflict. But if while I begin to leather Brother Joe by praises and you roar, begin to call Brother Joe different kinds of name, I will ask you many questions pretending I am challenging you and you affirm it. That is all I need. I will use you as a base, I now have number one follower.
37.      Then I begin to tell you things you don’t even know about Brother Joe which may make you hate him forever. Why? I am in conflict with Brother Joe, I want to stop him by all means and he doesn’t know that I am doing such an underground work against him and his motives.
38.      Is it clear? I don’t want to relate it to dispute. Remember that conflict is not dispute. Yes, conflict is not dispute although they appear to look alike but there is a wide range of difference between the two.
39.      Dispute means contention and disagreement. It is conflict that results to dispute. Dispute means open disagreement, open contention but conflict is too far from there.
40.      Before a man and his wife will come to a point where they can never have anything love lost between the two, it must originate from having conflict. The man will begin to find fault with the wife within him.
41.      The wife will begin to look for faults, begin to devise a way of stopping the husband from continuing in his plan. The man will begin to devise a way of stopping the wife from continuing in her plan without either party knowing.
42.      It is this hidden discontent that results to dispute, sometimes, it can be violent dispute, sometimes it can be verbal dispute. Can you see the difference now?
43.      We have verbal dispute, we have violent dispute. Some families indulge in verbal dispute and that is where you see barrages of accusations coming out of the woman’s mouth, from the man’s mouth, all in attempt to achieve cheap points because they are now in dispute, the only way to ease out is to open your mouth and talk anyhow.
44.      I told him off!” “I told her off!” Verbal dispute. It is this verbal dispute that brings about violent dispute. From I told him off!” “I told her off!”  that is where the man will now stretch forth his hands.
45.      You will hear itaaai”. That is where you see the woman screaming:“You have to kill me today. My mother, he has killed me oooo!”
46.      That is where you see the children “Daddy, you will kill mummy ooo!” “Mummy, you will kill daddy ooo!”
47.      That is where you hear the neighbours “That is enough, please separate them!”
48.      Does it contain lies? No. I want us to understand the message, “When the Sparks Begin to Fly”.
49.      Remember we are considering “Bridge to Peace Volume two”. “Conflict”: which is common in almost all the families. It’s common; it’s a way of life. An unavoidable phenomenon in life is conflict because once there is human association, conflict is inevitable. Amen.




5
CAUSES AND EFFECTS OF CONFLICT
Now what causes conflict? It might be the way Brother Joe talks, “I don’t like the way Brother talks,” you see, it has started.
2.          How does he talk? Must he talk like me? It can be Sister Ngozi Silas, “In short, this her silence is devilish, it’s Devilish!”, what makes it devilish?
3.          It can be Brother Mode’s open mouthed-ness, “He talks too much: cho cho cho cho”. You see, it is building up.
4.          From that resentment, every other good thing will not be seen again. Please begin to understand these things. It can be my mode of dressing: “I don’t like the way Brother dresses!” that is the beginning.
5.          It can be your hairstyle, it can be the style you make your dresses. It must start with a vague and an intangible something. A vague and an intangible something must be the cause of the conflict.
6.          In other words, I must understand the fact that in every family there must be vague and an intangible something. Then how vague and intangible that thing is, that it can have the power to destabilize myself and my home?
7.          For whatever that can destabilize your home has destabilized you. My home cannot be destabilized until I am destabilized. Do you believe that? Then, why should I neglect that intangible thing? Why should I ignore it? That vague and intangible thing, it is not building up the family.
8.          Now, why I should disregard it, why I should do away with it. It is because it will create room, it will create opportunity for opposing forces to be at work in anybody within my family and outside my family to frustrate my noble intentions, to frustrate my noble objectives concerning my family, and I will not give a room for that, I will never give any room for that, no matter the figment or trace of it, I must see it as my enemy and give it a place where it belongs to.
9.           Can you catch the message? Because if you do not understand the symphony of the message, you will be building up in the premise: that there must be conflict in your family by and by. Then if there must be conflict in your family by and by, how can peace reign in conflict?
10.      If conflict is not highlighted, you will not know the consequences. If conflict is not highlighted, you will not appreciate the value of peace. He that has never lived in prison yard can never appreciate the value of liberty. You can verify from Brother Victor Ugwu, I mean the latest ex-prisoner in our midst, twenty four-hour prisoner. He has tested prison for twenty four hours, he can now appreciate freedom. Let me go back, follow me as I read.
11.      No husband or wife of sound mind enjoys marital conflict no matter how little that may seem, but it is all too common in almost all the families”.
12.      Ok now I know what conflict is all about, Sister UK Nwanga, please do you enjoy conflict in your home? Do you enjoy it, be sincere?
13.      Sister UK Nwanga answered “No”.
14.      Why?
15.      Sister UK answered, “It makes my family to be in disunity.”
16.       Thank you. Sister Sam, be sincere to the core, do you enjoy conflict in your home?
17.      Sister Sam answered, “No sir”.
18.      Why?
19.       She replied, “My mind would not be at rest when there is conflict.”
20.       Thank you. Brother Victor, tell us how you feel about having conflict in your home.
21.      Brother Victor said, “It gives me sleepless nights.”
22.      If it continues unabated, what do you think will happen?
23.      Brother Victor answered, “I will emaciate.”
24.       Ok. I think with these few samples, we can speak on. I think somebody can only harbor something he cherishes, something I know I cherish, I am oblige to harbor it, preserve it, sustain it.
25.       But something that can destabilize me, something that can cause me unnecessary pain and sorry, something that can cause me sleepless nights, something that can make me to even stay late in the night before coming home, should that thing be my friend? No.
26.      Why should it be prevalent in almost all families? I really want us to be sincere with the message because this is a fact of life.
27.      Now let me just ask this question; if a mad dog is coming from the opposite direction and you are sensible, you recognized that the dog is mad and once it bites you, your life is in danger; is that mad dog an avoidable animal? Is there a possibility of avoiding the mad dog? Can it be avoided?
28.      The congregation answered yes.
29.      Why? Because you don’t want to suffer the pain, the sorrow and the accompany death that might result from the bite. Is it not true? So it can be avoided.
30.      What of a snake? You know snake can be used as food, some people eat snake; do you believe that? Yes. Now, can snake be avoided? Can you see a snake and begin to march on it? You know snake does you no good, it is harmful and you are dodging it.
31.      Now, can we dodge conflict? Is it a phenomenon that can be avoided? This is my question to everybody: Is marital conflict a phenomenon that can be avoided?
32.      Mama, you were talking, may we hear what you were saying.
33.      Mama said, “Okenye zeta nwaya pua o ga dotakwalia ya bu okwunuka bunata.”
34.      You see, mama is catching the message. That is why we now want our mothers to take care of our children so that, that thing which they don’t want to see in our homes, they will now begin to educate the children ahead of time to be wary of those dangerous developments that might destabilize the peace of the home.
35.      You see, it can be avoided, that is what we are saying. All I am trying to say is this: Often time you hear me making some statements like this: “We agree to agree-we disagree also to agree”. You have been hearing these statements.
36.      In other words, I must disagree. Every sign of conflict I will say no, my wife must say no, because generally we have surveyed conflict and nothing good can ever come out of conflict, rather it will leave sorrow behind, it will leave pain, sometimes the venomous emanations of the tongue when conflict is ripped open.
37.      Conflict is like a time bomb. Conflict, you know it is something that is happening within; a discernment within, once it is ripped open, it becomes a verbal conflict or verbal dispute. The venominous poisons that come out of the tongue within that period can linger till eternity.
38.      The mouth can say, “I am sorry” and receive “I have pardoned” in reply,” but from time to time the memory will still regurgitate. By regurgitation I mean, let me lower it a little.
39.       A goat or sheep after chewing something instead of swallowing it, will return it to the mouth to be chewed for the second time.  That is chewing cud. That act is regurgitation. This is what takes place in the human being.
40.       What has come out of the mouth, the exchange of blows, the verbal war, the sorrows, the pains these things will leave behind, sometimes will remain indelible once it is registered in the heart of each other.
41.      It is during that period you begin to hear some nasty statements. The man may tell the wife off and in the attempt, will begin to rain insults and abuses upon the in-laws and even regrets the day he married his wife, and the wife will in return will say things higher than that. These things will register in the heart.
42.      Once they come back to their senses, apologies will be extended between the two. The mouth will say, “I am sorry”, another mouth will say, “I have forgiven,” at least peace is restored a little.
43.      It is within the periphery of the family, yet in their quiet places the woman’s mind is still ruminating on the insidious attack, the extent the husband went to, regret even the day he came into contact with her.
44.      And you begin to figure out what vague and intangible thing that might cause that type of thing because she heard something she never dreamt of and the man will begin to examine himself to know whether he is actually what the wife described him to be.
45.      Remember they have pardoned each other. They have said, “I have forgiven,” but these things are now happening in their quiet places. Before you know it the man’s attitude will begin to change, the woman’s attitude will begin to change.
46.      What is happening? In that conflict the woman has learnt her lesson, the man has learnt his lesson, these are stupid lessons which they will never pass to each other and these lessons will be in their own special ways.
47.      The lesson the man might have learnt as a result of the conflict might be to restrain association with the wife. The lesson the woman might have learnt as a result of the conflict might be to restrain association with the husband.
48.      Nothing was pardoned because it has already registered in the heart. Why avoiding conflict? You must have good reasons why you must avoid conflict.
49.      Conflict must be highlighted for you to see that nothing good can ever come out of it, and if nothing good can ever come out of it, why harboring it?
50.      Why harboring it in the family? I say why accommodating it in the family? Why allowing it to come into the family?
51.      If you know that a mad dog can never be a friend in your family, should you open your door to a mad dog?
52.      I am trying to say that conflict is always an evil wind that does no family any good. That does no individual any good.
53.      Remember I am limiting it within the confine of this faith. I don’t want to carry it between family and family, neighbour and neighbour, tribe and tribe, no. I don’t want to go to that place; no! I don’t want to go to that place.
54.      Even if we look at it from the community angle, once two communities are in conflict, nothing good can come out. I use Aguleri and Umuleri for example; you remember before it became a violent dispute, it was a conflict, and because there was conflict, a young man went and cleared a little land somewhere and somebody from the opposing community challenged the boy. That was what sparked off the trouble.
55.      At the end when investigation panel was set up, it was discovered that it was just a vague and an intangible something; a little portion of land that is not up to one hectare around GTC, that somebody cleared and cultivated. Brother Joshua, am I telling lies?
56.      Something somebody can just dash to his neighbour and behold that little thing belong to an individual, not even to the entire community. Hence, they hanged on that and ripped open the conflict.
57.      Watch the number of lives that were lost, the level of destruction, the type of hardship, sorrow, pain, anguish they unleashed upon themselves, went on exile for over one year because of a vague and an vintangible something.
58.      Can anything good come out of conflict? No sir.
59.      Now, please I have highlighted this conflict. Why? I want you to begin to hate conflict. I want you to develop strong apathy against conflict and every conflicting thought. Rather, allow your thoughts and actions to harmonize. Harmonize your actions to suit your thoughts.
60.      Please if you cannot understand this place, by the time I will go to your present message, you will be lost. Well I go further. Amen.



6
CONFLICT AND ITS DISASTROUS EFFECTS
Note that there can never be peace in conflict. Typically one spouse says something or acts in a way that irritates or provokes the other to anger, voices are automatically raised and tempers flamed up, igniting an emotionally charged argument with caustic remarks on each other, then the sparks begins to fly from both parties uncontrollably, then comes the icy silence or chilly moment with both mates stubbornly refused to talk to each other.
2.          This frozen and arrogant relationship can last for days or weeks, depending on the spiritual maturity of the individuals.
3.          I want to pause a little there. “Conflict,” I want to ask a question there. Sister Ngozi Tobechukwu, how do you feel each time your husband refuses to talk, to discuss or even share ideas with you? Be sincere, don’t frame up, don’t frame because I am facing the facts of life.
4.          Sister Ngozi Tobechukwu answered, “I don’t feel happy.”
5.          I say how do you feel? If your husband doesn’t talk to you even to say good morning or remain blessed, if both of you used to sit down to discuss and he stops talking to you and ignores you, doesn’t recognize you as his wife, how do you feel?
6.          Sister Ngozi answered, “It makes me to start thinking and no longer happy.”
7.          Ok, you are no longer happy. This is how you understand it.
8.          Brother Charles, up to this very morning the Holy Ghost said that this conflict is prevalent in almost every home. You see, there is no exemption.   
9.          Now if you come back to your house and notice that your wife stops talking to you even when you greet her, she turns and after looking at you she continues going and it wasn’t so before, as a man, how do you feel?
10.      Brother Charles said, “It gives me sleepless nights and it makes me restless. I will call her to find out what the problem is.”
11.      Thank you. A brother came to me yesterday, reporting to me the way his own neighbour in the flat was resenting him and how uncomfortable he has been, and this man is from another state and he is from another state, but they are just tenants, living in one flat, yet our brother feels very much worried more especially when he didn’t know the cause of this type of rejection and resentment.
12.      Now, can there be conflict without resentment? Can somebody resent his partner and still feel normal even if you sing the best song “One who is rejected cannot reject himself;” she is singing and dancing for the husband to hear, not for another person. Because the pain of provocation is felt more if it is caused by the husband. The pain of provocation is felt more if it is caused by the wife and not from another person.
13.      She will be singing and dancing, and forming it anyhow because that time you will know that women are good composers. They know how to put it together. Before you know it, you will see her weeping with a song oo. The man didn’t beat her, the man has left the house for long, but will be sobbing: “I have suffered. I have seen hell!” Even the song couldn’t solve the problem.
14.      The other person will sob “Is this what marriage has caused me? In short, in short…!” The man don go, she is alone oo. The man doesn’t know that somebody is mourning the dead in the house.
15.      When he comes back, the woman will squeeze her face, “no good morning,” no “good afternoon.” She will pretend she didn’t cry and not feeling sad. She continues her song I will be what God says I will be.”
16.       The reason why she squeezed her face is for the man to know that she is equal to the task. That she is not afraid of the situation but you don’t know that it is all make up, she just timed when the man will come and used powder to do make up in order to cover her tears.
17.      What am I trying to say? No party feels happy in conflict. Everybody feels greatly disturbed. And in that disturbed condition, it creates enough room for sickness to come in. I mean unimaginable sicknesses can come in, it creates room even for your own enemy to come because you won’t know when you will be tempted to go out and begin to share your sorrows with your enemy, who has been wishing you such a situation, you don’t know that that person is in conflict with you already.
18.      You think he is happy, I mean you think he is sharing in your sorrow, you don’t know he is hearing more things about you, something he has been expecting all this while.
19.      Sometimes you may not know whether he is the one fueling the crises in your family because somebody might be responsible for the conflict without your knowledge.
20.      There are many ways conflicts can be sowed into the heart of somebody. Do you believe that? You heard a story I told you, true life situation, where a man as innocent as he was; the sales man A.C Cristlem Lagos was nearly brutalized by his wife simply because an enemy of the family was constantly telling the wife how the man was running around with ladies and women.
21.      And on that fateful day, she ran to the woman and said, “Your husband has carried another woman!”
22.      The woman ran home with a bottle of acid, getting home, she saw no other person but her younger sister at home and the girl began to tell her story: how she was expelled from school because of school fees, how she was coming out when she saw daddy and things like, daddy carried her to the house and then dropped her at the gate with a message, and then continued to the wife’s shade.
23.      She wasn’t there but he left a note. When the woman later came back, she saw the husband’s note in her supermarket; the woman knelt down and fainted.
24.      But before then, the woman has written the man off, when she made confession to the man, being a heathen, the man ran mad and said “You’re a stupid woman! If I had known this, I would have driven you out of my house. I am a salesman, I travel the whole Nigeria, I stay in hotels anywhere, do you follow me?
25.      “Do you think I am respecting you? If I stay in Port Harcourt or anywhere in Nigeria, I can go anywhere and carry the most beautiful lady on the streets, stay with her any length of time but I don’t want to do it is because I don’t want. Not because of you.”
26.      He went further, “If I had known that you were trailing me, you were listening to voices, wagging tongues to this point where you threaten even my life, ooh, that would have been the end of the marriage!”
27.      Brethren, it took time before love was restored again.
28.      In this icy moment, chilly moment, with both parties stubbornly refused to talk to each other, you noticed that every activity in the family is paralyzed. Nothing can function again, no room for discussion even on the welfare of the children, on the welfare of everybody.
29.       You will be hearing voices, command and order, instructions: “I am leaving for market, make sure you do this and that before I will come back! If I come back and you did not do it, you will see what will happen!”
30.      The man goes away. Then the woman will look at him and nod and will not do the thing because she is waiting for the worst. The woman will wake up “I want to go to market today oo, I must make soup today, give me money for market, if you don’t want to give me, I am going away oo, after all it is for your children!”
31.      All at the same time, the man has not replied the first one, he never replied the second, he never replied. What is causing it? Conflict!
32.      In such a situation, what if she walks away and you angrily walk away, the children suffer. Before you know it, you have exposed your foolishness to the neighbourhood.
33.      Who will like to have such a scenario in his house? Is it a good sight? Is it something somebody should welcome? I am highlighting conflict and its disastrous effects so that you begin to develop strong hatred over that thing that is called CONFLICT.
34.      Remember that it is summed up with one thing: it is always traced to be caused by a vague and an intangible something, negligible something, something that can never contribute meaningfully to the welfare of the family. This has always been the source of conflict.
35.      Can we pause a little? I am not in a school classroom. All married fellows, man and woman, cast your minds to your families; I am giving you three minutes instead of asking you questions. See whether you can trace occasions where you have conflict, where you registered all you have been hearing.
36.      What caused it? Whether it has been once or twice, or three or ten times or a constant affair. You will see that the whole thing will boil down to one thing: in all those occurrences, the cause has always been almost the same.
37.      It can be a repeat of negligence. I say, it can be a constant repeat of negligence. Maybe you have advised or spoken to your wife on something “Look, don’t do this thing this way, look at the way I want this thing”.
38.      And then she pleaded sorry, one day she did it again, harshly now, you roared and then placed a sanction that should the thing happen again, you will react.
39.      One day again before you know it you will be confronted with that situation. You noticed that that thing which you are hammering on is an intangible something, and that thing which your wife is neglecting, that instruction she is neglecting to carry out or feigning ignorance is something that is also intangible, something that can be dismissed even with the wave of the hand;
40.      Let me just tell you what I have noticed; most of the things that caused conflict between husband and wife, they can be traceable to neglect, neglect, neglect.
41.      Now, let me tell you what I mean by neglect. Neglect, I mean placing your responsibility on somebody else. Once you place your responsibility on somebody else, you are bound to commit suicide on the point of technical obedience.
42.      See what I mean, if you place your responsibility on your maidservants, if you have maidservants, you are bound to have conflict with your husband from time to time, for your husband can never be in conflict with your maid or with your sister or with your brother or with his own brother as the case may be, for he doesn’t know any of them. He knows you and you alone.
43.      I know my Father and my father knows the chiefs. Can you get the message? Most of the things that caused this conflict which can be summed by one word “Neglect” can be traceable to a fact that often times, mothers shift their responsibilities to their children or to their maidservants.
44.      They will pass the right instructions to them; they will discover that those that received the instructions do not carry them out but the man who is the head of the family doesn’t want to hear that. He wants to get something done. Whether your children do it or your maid, the success is attributable to you, you are to be queried if the instruction is not carried out.
45.      Thus, if you recognize that for every omission or commission in the family that the query will be directed to you. What is more, once you are in conflict with your husband over that neglect, your children, your maidservants cannot share in your sorrow. They cannot share the pain with you.
46.      Besides, you cannot come out and tell the public. You won’t have the boldness to say, What happened was that I told my maid and she said…” mothers, take note there.
47.      I will go further to show you something where the message said, “There is no husband in his right mind that would love to provoke his wife to anger”.
48.      It said it is impossible. If he should make his wife sad, who then would be his comforter? If I should make my wife sad or angry, where will I derive comfort from? Can you get the message?
49.      Conflict is something that should not even be mentioned in the family because it is from conflict that the tongue will begin its deadly work. Do you believe that?
50.      Now, trace every negative human relationship, it must boil down to conflict. I must be in conflict with Brother Emeka before I will begin to envy him.
51.      I may not tell Brother Emeka that I am envying him, I may be praising his efforts and things like that, but when I come to Brother James, I will say, “Brother James, in short, Brother Emeka is not a Brother, he is not in this our faith! Look, every time he is in his shade, every time money, money, money. Every time this and that!”
52.      Are you getting the message? In other words, there is resentment within me over brother Emeka, what I am using is mere covering and at the end of it all, I will tell Brother James, “Brother, how I wish, if you know somebody who knows how to repair handset very well, I will like to learn that job oo; and if possible you may be bringing the thing for me when you travel out, I will like to be selling it”.
53.      And that was Brother Emeka’s business for which cause I am castigating Brother Emeka. Now, I want Brother James to establish it for me. Can you catch the message? I am using daily examples. This is the lowest I know that can bring down (explain) the message.
54.      There can never be envy without conflict. If there is any emanation of death, I will say it is conflict. If you watch what comes out of conflict, you will hate conflict. You will never allow your name to be associated with conflict. It is a name that signals disaster, doom, destruction, for every other evil emanates from conflict. Do you believe that?
55.      Lucifer was in conflict with God before he disputed. Do you believe it? He first of all envied the position of God and then said to himself, “I will ascend to the highest throne…”
56.      Then he began to work out a plan to frustrate God from achieving his goal. He began a campaign secretly, before God knew about it, he struck; three-quarters of the angels followed because he had already bought them over.
57.      The same way Absalom was in conflict over his father David before he rebelled. He was envying the father’s position; he was wishing how it would look like if he could be there, he began soliciting the favour of the subjects of his father; condemning his father’s judgment, promising the people better judgment if he should be enthroned king.
58.      When he had campaigned enough, he thought he had succeeded, he struck. Majority followed but before he knew it, his head came back by the sword. The same thing that happened to Lucifer, he lost the battle.
59.      Watch Saul and David, it started with conflict. When it was ripped open, it became a violent dispute.
60.      I don’t think a man can wake from the bed and wife said remain blessed sir and the man slaps her kpai!!.
61.      Or the man turns to the wife and says “remain blessed” and she grips the man You will strangle me today!” Do you believe that? It has never happened and can never happen.
62.      I have highlighted this conflict enough. Remember it is Sunday school, even if I say bye-bye now, will you be disappointed? I will not say bye-bye yet, let me go a little further.  Amen.



7
BRIDGE TO PEACE: AVOID CONFLICT
Often times I used to hear some brethren quote: “I have no problem in my family; I am only having conflict with my wife”. “I have no problem in my family; am only having conflict with my husband”.
2.          You see, a matured mind like me, simply laugh. True? “I have no problem with my husband; really I love my husband, in short there is none like him, I am only having conflict with him”. Really?
3.          “My husband is not dead but he is only in the mortuary.” Praise God. That is what it means. “My husband is not dead, he is only in the mortuary.” Can you catch it?
4.          There is no way anybody can talk of trouble without conflict because trouble is something that builds up with time. And the easiest way we can handle it is to nip it in the bud by adjusting our minds:
5.          (i) Doing those vague and intangible things, if doing them will help to foster peace in the home or (ii) Avoiding those intangible and vague things if avoiding them will foster peace in my home.
6.          These are the ways we can run away from these conflicts. Besides these two options, I know no other. We go further:
7.          An unhealthy atmosphere in the family with its attendant gloominess as can be noticed at a glance in the faces of all the children in that house.
8.          This is the most favourable condition for the Devil to set its destabilizing and divisible work in motion and this must be avoided.
9.          At this point, nothing good can be seen in either the husband or the wife anymore memory is but a pang, muscles are flexed while feelings are hot and hostile; this cannot engender peace but violence.  
10.      I go further. I want to go to the concluding side in my own verse, verse 22. My own is versed, I don’t know how to trace it in your own, it should be the last page.
11.      Nobody challenges or strives or demonstrates against a superior authority and gets away with it without reprisals from God or from her husband. Note that harsh speech leave emotional scars that linger long after the dispute has ended. Arguing may lead to violence.
12.      Verse 26: Still frequent and intense disputes should not be dismissed as normal. It is evidently clear that a pattern of quarrelling or disagreement increases the likelihood that a couple will eventually divorce.
13.      Don’t be offended that I am not reading everything verbatim; I am selecting key-key things that will help me. If you feel that conflict is normal in your home, that goes to show that any problem in your home has a pattern and as long as that pattern has been established, whether you like it or not, the likelihood is there that your marriage may not exist for too long. The marriage may not subsist.
14.      Once there is a pattern of trouble, there is a pattern of divorce for there is always a limit to human endurance. How many believe that? Even the Almighty God has a limit to endurance, otherwise there is no day He will destroy the wicked, for God’s mercy doesn’t last till all eternity. Everything has a limit.
15.      What am I saying? The Holy Ghost is saying that we should not give any room at all for conflict to operate in our families, even here as the great family of God.
16.      Here we are in a family; this is the family of God at Onitsha. We should collectively abhor conflict, we can do by appreciating one another, we can do it by encouraging one another, motivating one , by improving in our relationship with one another.
17.       I believe it is possible by creation of awareness and I have created the awareness now, that allowing conflict means allowing the Devil to come in. Do you believe that? And it does you no good.
18.       For that reason, don’t see conflict as a normal occurrence that is unavoidable. It is unavoidable because you have made up your mind never to avoid it.
19.      But once you make up your mind to avoid it: are you no longer a creator of circumstance? As a creator of circumstance, I can never create any circumstance for conflict to thrive and I will never submit myself to that, shamelessly listening to the voice of conflict by falling prostrate, adjusting myself to suit the conflict situation, thereby making myself a slave to circumstance: A creature of conflict, no! God forbid.
20.      As a man full of possibilities and not a finality, can you recreate your family position today? Can you reposition yourselves? I mean can you recreate yourselves by the renewing of your minds using this level of awareness that has been created?
21.       Conflict, if it’s not highlighted, nobody will appreciate what is happening, but I have highlighted it the best I can within your levels so that you can see that it is you that should be blamed in every problem, in every conflict.
22.      It is me that should be blamed, I won’t blame Brother Mike, I will blame myself, I won’t blame Brother Ojiakor, I will blame myself. Brother Ojiakor won’t blame his wife, he will blame himself. Sister Ojiakor won’t blame Brother Ojiakor, she will blame herself.
23.      For every problem, I should blame myself. I am a contributor. If I had done that which I know I ought to, I shouldn’t have created room for this conflict. If I had not shifted my responsibility to somebody else, I wouldn’t have caused this type of situation. I am responsible for causing myself sorrow and pains.
24.      Thus, if I have apology to tender, I should tender apology to myself for failing myself. I have failed myself.
25.      Brethren, shall we put our hands together if we really understood the message! I have narrowed it down so that you stop seeing your wife, you stop seeing your husband.
26.      Begin to see yourself, I begin to see myself, my wife begins to see herself, and if we know that which if we do, there would be peace, let us dwell there, then we will be living in peace.
27.      If we know that which if we do, sparks will fly, peace will no longer be there, let us avoid it. And the Lord will be pleased with everybody. You will be at peace.
28.      Let me tell you, once your home is not at peace, you lose appetite. I wonder how you will feel like, if you used to eat together with your wife and during that icy moment, chilly moment, you don’t know where to pass instructions anymore, you don’t know whether to tell your wife to bring food or you enter the kitchen to carry the food yourself, or you tell your maid or you tell your children, of course you don’t need to tell your maid.
29.      If you tell your maid, it is another count against you. It’s a charge against you. Once you are in conflict with your wife, don’t ever use your maid for any errand, otherwise you have added to your charges.
30.      The next charge will be, “Oh! No wonder, no wonder you want to drive me away so that you will marry your maid, I can see that!!”
31.       Don’t even use your children, rather do it yourself, it is even better.
32.      What am I saying? It is not better because you are living in hell already. I have not seen a better hell. Hell is hell. That’s why you should not allow such a situation like this to come in at all.
33.      Once such a situation comes in, the love of God vanishes. Love is thrown to the winds.
34.       I am not afraid of wound. The reason why I say I won’t fight any more physically is, I was a warrior and I believed one thing: I can never leave my opponent until I have given him an indelible mark which he will see and remember the person that caused it.
35.      That’s why I don’t believe that the fight is over because somebody separated; no, until I have achieved my aim, you will even fear me as you fear death because of it. I was terribly bad.
36.      That’s why when I repented, when I went to Pentecostals, my people said they can never believe my report until I clock five years there.
37.      Separate me from a fight, you have armed me more. Gently I will obey, I will be number one to obey. I will comply; you command me to say sorry to my opponent, I will even kneel down so that he will think it is over.
38.      I am shifting my war zone. I am relocating; the warfront will no longer be there. I have shifted it. Anywhere I see you, even if you are carrying bucket of water, I will pretend to be a friend, lower it down, pretend that I want to drink from your bucket, set your bucket aside and then query you.
39.      And if you see me that time, you don’t need anybody to tell you what is about to take place. But once I succeed in giving you that open mark, it must be a deep cut—real deep cut. I was so funny and I love using blood to paint my cloth so that you don’t need to ask me what stained it.
40.      I will tell you, “You better go and see the level of damage I have done there, don’t ask me what caused it.” Finish.
41.      However, I thank God who saved me. How did He save me from violence? He showed me the danger. See, it is not the wound you have caused that man that is the trouble, but the scar. But the scar; and every day the message rings bell in my heart.
42.      Now we have come to the level of awareness where we have seen that the loaded tongue is more dangerous, more disastrous than that machete whose cut is seen at a glance, visible at a glance; that a loaded tongue can unleash such a great havoc whose memories may linger till all eternity that even the eyes of the Almighty God will grow tired while trying to trace the extent of havoc to its finality.
43.      In other words, no living human being can fathom out or estimate the extent a loaded tongue can go to cause injury to human health.
44.      Now, after the icy moment, after the chilly moment and every other thing, we believe peace is returned for a while pending the next disagreement because we believe disagreement is a way of life in the family.
45.      If disagreement is a way of life, divorce is a way of life. We can toil with it, marry today and drive away tomorrow.
46.      Note it, in that you quiet moment, you begin to feel sorrow, you begin to feel pain because of whatever you might have displayed during that time of quarrelling, during the period of disagreement; what do you think was responsible for that? It was the scar.
47.      That’s why we say, “The wound can go away but the scar doesn’t go away!” And it is the scar that stimulates retaliation. Do you believe that? Most of the conflicts that arise in the home can be traced to retaliation.
48.      Is annoying you? It is good so that you can feel what I felt that day!” That is retaliation.
49.      But understand one thing; there is no good way of doing a wrong thing. A wrong thing is a wrong thing; there is no good way anybody can do it. And two wrongs can never make a right. Even one million wrongs put together can never make a right.
50.      I used to hear people say something; I call it football joke “Four corner kicks make one goal”. No referee has ever done that since the history of football till today. No team has ever been awarded goal because of four corner kicks they missed.
51.      Apostle Silas after sleeping you can rise up. I know you didn’t sleep last night. I know that very well but what caused you to stay awake? That is the question. Could it be sorrows, could it be pains, could it be over work?
52.      There are too many over works. One can be the physical over work from where you earn a living; the other one can be the other over work, that is, procreation over work.
53.      I know your son is of age, I know that very well, so procreation desire is there, but what weakens the man should weaken the woman also.
54.      Brethren, I go back. Don’t say I told you and don’t quote me. Amen.





8
UNDERSTANDING HUMAN NATURE
I come back to something. A healthy relationship in the Bride, I am joining it with that Bridge to Peace. Remember its Sunday school teaching.
2.          “Understanding human nature.” There can never be conflict without misunderstanding. Do you believe that?
3.          If you go to “Bridge to Peace part one, volume one”, The Holy Ghost made a statement there: That we should try to understand our various communication skills, that misunderstanding our various communication skills can cause misunderstanding among ourselves and between husband and wife.
4.          For example, a wife may say to her husband “All these weeks, you have never stayed at home with me!” and then she closes her mouth and the man may try to refute that statement by rising up furiously.
5.          He says, “What are you trying to say? For two weeks now, have I stepped out? Have I not been coming home?”
6.          You see, before you know it trouble has ensued because he could not understand the communication skill of his wife. And the Holy Ghost said that the man missed something there. He should have understood that the wife was not asking him to come and die at home with her, but she is just trying to ask for reassurance of his love for her.
7.          Because often times men play with their wives with the word “I love you” “I love you” especially when they are enjoying sexual intercourse with their wife. But the woman is seeing sign that is making her to believe that you are just paying lip service to love. That you are just fooling her, you don’t mean it.
8.          She needs reassurance; this reassurance goes beyond mere provisions of food items. It goes beyond provisions of dresses and things like that, after all she is not naked. She wants to feel loved, showing interest in her affairs and in the affairs of the family.
9.          Reassure her that she made no mistake accepting your hand in marriage. Finish. Not coming to stay at home from Monday to Friday, Monday to Friday; No, it’s not what she is looking for. Do you believe that?
10.      You can stay from Monday till Friday and lavish your time in your work place with your friends and well-wishers, all in the name of visitation. You only visit your home as a lodging house; you eat in the night and lodge there that night, in the morning you check out. Can you get the message?
11.      If that which you have been enjoying outside fails you, then you decide to make do with what you have at home. Then you rush home and lodge, maybe a night or two, you check out again. Is that love? Can it make for peace in the home?
12.      Please understand what the message is all about, this message has an aim; to build up the family of God in the bond of peace. Do you believe that?
13.      If God is the Prince of Peace, He is also the Author of peace and can never dwell where there is no peace. Thus, the only evidence that God is among us, the only yardstick by which we measure God’s presence is when we enjoy peace without dissimulation, I mean peace without hypocrisy, peace without suppressed feeling.
14.       Any woman that doesn’t know when her husband is fooling her all in the name of love is not married. She is not married. There is no married woman that cannot clothe herself if she is asked to do that, or even feed herself, but she married because she wants to have her own companion from where she will raise her own family; children that will be called her own. Understand this truth both men and women.
15.      In this message, there can never be conflict without misunderstanding each other’s motive and ideology. You cannot aim at frustrating my aim; you cannot aim at frustrating my objectives, my goals until you misunderstand me.
16.      If my objectives run counter to what you feel, surely, we are going to be in conflict because you have misunderstood my objectives. This is why this message calls for mutual understanding.
17.      There can never be mutual tolerance without mutual understanding. If I understand you, it becomes easy for me to tolerate you. But where I cannot understand you, I will find it difficult to tolerate you and this is one of the reasons why we have conflict in our families.
18.      Can a husband and a wife live in the same house, share the same bed, have children for up to ten, twenty, thirty years without understanding each other? Is it possible? Brother Mike, answer this.
19.       Brother Mike answered, “It is not possible.”
20.      Brother Ebenezer, Well, you lost your wife many years ago, Brother Shed, your marriage is growing. Yes, is it possible?
21.      Brother Ebenezer said, “it is possible.”
22.      Good. I want those whose marriages are older. Yes, Sister answer. You see, the sister answered that it is possible. Brother Amobi, speak.
23.      Brother Amobi answered, “It is possible.”
24.       Brother Nnachor, answer.
25.      Brother Nnacho said, “It is very possible.”
26.       Thank you. There is no need going further. Brother, I won’t say I am with you or I am not with you, let me stand neutral. I repeat the question in the interest of those that could not understand it before.
27.      Is it possible for a man and a woman, husband and wife that are married for over twenty years or more, have children, is it possible that they can stay together for such a long period without understanding each other? Brother Mike said it is not possible, the rest said it is possible. Apostle Ojiakor say something.
28.      Apostle Ojiakor said, “It is possible.”
29.      Now, consensus opinion is that, it is possible. Well, I will not say yes or no. Let me ask another question, maybe through the answer you will know where I am standing.
30.      Papa Nzegbu stand up. At your age and in your marriage, are there sometimes even at this your age where you will feel your wife has misbehaved and you feel like slapping her?
31.      Papa Nzegbu answered, “Yes.”
32.      Ok sit down. I am coming to something. You see, I don’t know when you all married but I believe we are growing. I can’t use those that are living with heathens.
33.      If you are living with a heathen, you will not know what I am saying because every day is a day of sorrow in your house. You can understand what I mean because that which you hate is what you will be seeing and you dare not talk otherwise your mouth will be punched.
34.      Sister stand up. Your son is of age. At your age and the years of your marriage, your son can impregnate a woman now, are there some occasions where your husband will behave or talk in such a way that you feel like if you are a man to beat him?
35.      Sister answered, “Yes sir.”
36.      Thank you. Please, there is no laughing there. This is Sunday school; if I do not educate you I shouldn’t blame you. Education is power, do you believe that?
37.      You see, enlightenment is a function of education. I am highlighting something that is very crucial to our families, to our mutual coexistence as a family of God because whatever you are avoiding in your family, you must avoid in this great family of God. Do you believe that?
38.      For you are a part of this family where God is our Husband, we are His wife. Do you believe that? This is our biggest family. If we carry our negative attitudes from our home to this place, we shall be having problems from time to time. But if our homes are peaceful, we have the right attitudes in our families, when we gather in His Presence, we are what we are. We reflect nothing but our original nature which is the Nature of God which the world has been looking for.
39.      This one goes beyond Holy Ghost fire. It goes beyond macham macham, it goes beyond deliverance. This one doesn’t require deliverance.
40.      You are your own physician as far as this matter is concerned. I am my own physician, I don’t need fasting and prayer. I don’t need to go to the mountain, to the valley.
41.      I don’t need to observe night vigil as long as this matter is concerned. I can only pray for revelation of something I don’t know because the revealed things belongeth unto us, the unrevealed things belong to God.
42.      As long as this problem is revealed, I don’t need to pray again. My duty is to address it squarely, give it the right medicine and the right medicine is what we are receiving now for I believe that today might be my last day to crush out those things that are not to be found in my life.
43.      Today is my last day to bring out the best that is in Me. No man, no woman hoping to make the best for himself gives any room for any unnecessary conflict.
44.      . I know you are waiting to hear my own answer because this type of question can favour women more than men. The truth of the matter is this, we are repenting today. I say, the truth of the matter is this repentance starts from today.
45.      Born again starts now otherwise it must be carried over to the world beyond because there can never be conflict with the tongue remaining the same. Do you believe that?
46.      If any prophet tells you that in the midst of conflict that the tongue will remain friendly, the person is a false prophet.
47.      Now if we do not change our attitudes, if we do not repent and these things will remain attached to us, and then we die, what is our hope?
48.      Ask yourself this question, within that period of icy silence, within that chilly moment, where both parties stubbornly refused to talk to one another, what if in that condition one of them dies, what do you think will be possible remedy?
49.      You may say, “Well, I wasn’t responsible for my husband’s death” “I wasn’t responsible for my wife’s death,” that’s what you will tell the public, but God knows the role you played. And you know the role you played.
50.      Now understand this, until today, until this very moment, when I started highlighting this message, no man, no woman, no matter the age of the marriage can ever live together in perfect understanding of each other.
51.      No man, no woman, no archbishop, even the archbishop of Canterbury, in other words, until this moment, every effort you have been making to go to heaven, you have been failing, but you had your consolation somewhere: that Jesus paid the price on the Cross of Calvary.
52.      Then where are you paying you own price? Are you getting what am saying? We have to be very careful, let us not call the name of Jesus on matters like this.
53.      If you don’t know where Jesus should be mentioned, come and see me. Was Jesus married? May be you don’t know that Jesus himself was asking for salvation. Was he perfect? Was he holy?
54.      If his yea is his yea and his nah, his nah; he was accosted with a question; “Holy master,” he said, “Call me not holy for no man is holy but God because His yea is yea and His nah, His nah.”
55.      We saw him in conflict with the elders of Israel from time to time. We saw Paul in conflict from time to time until he opened his mouth and called somebody white sepulcher, not knowing that he was a priest.
56.      Let me stop that one, but remember we are to succeed where they failed. Now the basis of conflict, the basis of emanation of envy, the basis of emanation of conflict can be traced to one point; one fountain: lack of understanding of each other’s behaviour, either in his mode of communication, in the way he talks, his temperament, in different situation.
57.      Let me explain that one a little. If I am drunk, you should know my temperament. If I am sober you should know my temperament. If I have no money you should know my temperament. If I am hungry, you should know my temperament. If I am starved you should know my temperament.
58.      Hunger is not starvation. I may be hungry because I have no food in the house and I have no money to buy the food; I am hungry. I look around nobody is owing me any debt so that I can collect the money and then fend for myself.
59.      I am actually hungry and in such a situation the hunger will make me sober. Catch this message.
60.      But if I am starved, I am violent; that starvation will make me violent. Catch me.
61.      What is starvation? There is money in the house, there is food in the house, there is manpower in the house, are you getting what am saying? But to combine these factors of production and then cook the food for the man to eat, no way.
62.      Sometimes, we create room for that; let me touch a little there.
63.      If you are fond of leaving your house without food every morning, it may reach to a point where it will become a tradition; that in the morning, your wife, your children might not be making any move for food unless you tell them to prepare; on that regard, nobody should be blamed but you because you have given them the impression for a long time that eating in the morning is unnecessary, in other words, you don’t care.
64.      But if because you created such a condition for yourself, you rushed home in the afternoon, because it has been your manner to come home in the afternoon to eat and you don’t see any food, you are right if you demonstrate against it.
65.      Remember you have the right to demonstration but you have no right to violence. But can we separate demonstration from violence? We can separate it. The same way there can be conflict without brawling.
66.      There can be conflict without brawling; there can be conflict without open dispute or violent dispute. One produces the other, can you catch the message? It is demonstration that degenerates into violence.
67.      The day MASSOB was marching with their flag, was there any intention of killing anybody? No. It was a peaceful demonstration but along the way somebody opposed the whole thing, before we knew it some people were left dead. Then from demonstration we saw violence. Can you get the message now?
68.      The only way to avoid violence is to avoid demonstration. The only way to avoid dispute is to avoid conflict.
69.      What am I saying? If I know that my husband cannot control his temper if he comes home and there is no food, more especially when he sees me in the house; he can hold his peace if he comes home without seeing you as his wife, he can drink garri, he can eat bread or biscuit and relax his mind yet he is boiling within. He is waiting for somebody.
70.      The food might have been ready for the man, the wife might have prepared the food and kept it safe but it is not the habit of the man to request the children or the maid to serve him food.
71.      Thus, he expects that his wife must be there to serve him the food. He may enter the kitchen and see the food, he will not carry it rather he will drink beer and then sit down and be boiling inside because he doesn’t want to do another person’s job.
72.      Hear me very well, the man recognizes that he is a king and he wants to be treated as a king. He doesn’t want to lower it at all. At the same time, he cannot be a king without you being a queen; for you are the appetizer he needs, not the food. I don’t know whether somebody is getting the message.
73.      If you are really married, your appetizer is not the beer you drink, it is not the beautiful plates that are used in serving the food. The appetizer is the presence of your wife, the way and manner she serves the food, her countenance, finish.
74.      Even her fragrance by your side, even if she is not eating with you, finish. But as long as this one is absent, whatever she has cooked is useless-nonsense. He will be boiling and boiling.
75.      Let me use one illustration. There was a man I know very well, and I know the way he relates with his wife. One day his wife traveled and she stayed away up to four days. The man has grown up daughters and young men like that with the maidservants.
76.      He has everything in the house that would make them happy but the man was always very noisy and nobody could please him anymore.
77.      No matter the way his daughters served him food and everything, he was boisterous and boiling, shouting on all of them, he was finding fault with the food even.
78.      However, something happened, immediately his wife came back, all his hostilities vanished, the man felt on top of the world.
79.      Her daughters rushed her and began to complain about the attitude of their father in her absence, that they noticed one thing, that they were even sympathizing with the man, that he was demonstrating the absence of his wife. Are you getting what I am saying?
80.      When the matter came to me, I said, “Truly it’s a fact. If your wife leaves you two, three days, four days, you still feel very comfortably eating as usual, doing everything as usual, you better rethink.”
81.      And that is the reason why the woman will be tempted to ask the question: “You don’t stay with me, you try to stay away from me,” and you begin to defend, “Have I not been at home all this while?” you have never been at home.
82.      If I say I want you to be at home with me, what do I mean? Do I mean I want you to stay in the home, don’t step out? No. I want reassurance. Where there is reassurance there is relaxation. Do you believe that?
83.      And there can never be relaxation in conflict because once there is conflict, it’s a danger sign. It portrays a picture that one day the family may split.
84.      Watch, narrow it to this faith, this is a great family of God. If we enjoy conflict here; I bet you we are going to split. And then the Lord will destroy all of us.
85.      You have to understand exactly what the message is all about.
86.      Now, why are we enjoying the peace in this Faith? It’s because there is a little measure of understanding among us.
87.      But if there be one that seems not to understand, before you know it the Spirit of God will reveal the person.
88.      He begins to quarrel with himself, begins to quarrel over intangible and vague things. Before you know it, we will show him the way out.
89.      In understanding human nature, when you discover that which informs your choices, you can use that information to find your real natural strength and potentialities, and thus make choices that best fit your styles.
90.      Now I use sisters for example, I want to ask you fashion question. I will begin with our pastor’s wife.
91.      Don’t be surprised I said that this year is going to be a better year for me because something that has never happened for months happened.
92.      Watch, the pastor is the image maker of the fellowship. If I want to know about sisters here, I look at the pastor’s wife. Do you believe that?
93.       You are a physical representation of the body of Christ here. Pastor Christian, don’t feel relaxed, if the old dress is not good for your outfit, designers are still designing new-new dresses. Amen.